Global Warming (soon to be, Global Storming)

This decade has been hotter than previous decades (as were the 1930s). And, unless you’ve been seeking shade under a rock, you know that Global Warming is THE issue (so huge that many policymakers – who typically are in the business of promoting infrastructure stability – already are willing to throw huge energy dislocations at future generations). Here’s my prediction. Temperatures will go back down – continuing to cycle up and down like they have for millennia.

My evidence? None. It’s my hypothesis that this is a blip. If you disagree: your evidence? None. It’s your hypothesis that this is not a blip (no matter how many movie stars, pop scientists, concerts or conventions beat the drum).

The way to test each hypothesis is to collect data over time and see. Of course, a non-human-caused warming trend could go on for a long time, but I’ll give my side just one decade. After that – and, before that, if reliable data comes in – and I will grant you that my hypothesis is problemed. (I know. I know. We might not be around that long. When the full fury of nature is unleashed, and we tip off our axis and start floating into space, my last words will be, “Al really did deserve that Oscar.”).

Here’s the meat of my prediction – and please remember you saw it here first. Millennia of data, with a few significant and seemingly-non-human-caused exceptions, suggest that temperatures will trend back down. Or, I should say, non-homo sapiens sapiens-caused exceptions, since I’m not about to give those damn fire-burning cro-magnons a free pass. Anyway, when temperatures do trend back down, the alarmists will not admit that their hypothesis is problemed. Rather, they will shift ground and grow louder. The trend downward will prove that the climatic conditions of the Earth are destabilized – as will be further proven by every tornado, drought, hurricane, flood, etc., that happens thereafter.

Because I first predicted the positional shift, I get to name it – Global Storming. You heard it here. That’s the adequately-hedged, broad-portfolio crisis to invest in. Global Storming. Global Warming is far too narrow a sector.

Too many people have staked too much on a hypothesis, to simply let it go if it doesn’t pan out. “Um, ya, about jacking up those power rates 1,000%, . . .” Remember: Global Storming.

My hypothesis is that temperatures will trend back down. If not, I’m real sorry that I helped doom the planet. My bad. If they do come down, though, I’ll represent all of you in a class action lawsuit against the promoters of Live Earth.