FEMA Rap for Kidz

Don Surber has a good post about all the stupid government mascots and campaigns that your tax dollars help create.

My favorite is the FEMA Rap for Kidz. Though I couldn't find "kidz" in Webster's, it apparently is simply an alternative way of spelling "kids," as in "children," in order to relate to today's youth. As I overheard one young man say, "That federal government is pretty 'fly,'" -- which, in today's vernacular, means "swell" (and not anything about moving through the air or a winged insect).

Wouldn't you just love to be in the meetings where these things are selected?

("It says, 'so your heart don't break;' that's not even proper English. It should be 'doesn't break.'"

"They know that, Bob. That's how kids talk today."

"Oh, okay. Come to think of it, I have heard talk like that. But, like I've said before, we really do need something in there about the importance of mitigation to the agency.")

The closest I've come to such as experience was when the State's ad agency unveiled the State's new slogan to House leadership. The year before, we had dumped a lot of money into economic development, and job one, economic development informed us, was to develop a killer slogan. I figured it had to stink, when they took forever walking us through the underlying reasons why what we were about to see was going to be awesome. "We focus grouped people on what characteristics they appreciate about Utah . . .." "We, then, focus grouped certain words and phrases . . .."

They pulled the cloth off the easel, and a poster, with a picture of mountains, proclaimed "Seek Higher Ground." I bit my tongue for a very long time, but no one else said a thing. Finally, I asked, "Why? Is there going to be a flood?"

It was all for naught, as it was later revealed to the advertising brain trust that the slogan for our neighbor to the east, Colorado, is "Enter a Higher State," and Colorado had already warned that it would send troops in to any state messing with their motto. Unfortunately for them, their press release said, "Don't mess with Colorado," which Texas took as a hostile act and immediately sent 10,000 skiers to snowplow down their mountains.

In order to maintain peace, and show that we are above the fray, we now have "Utah: Life Elevated."